So lonely

I am so lonely. It doesn't seem to help to have a husband and two grown sons but I have no one too whom I can turn, to pour out my sorrows and my fears. I have no friends and even if i DID, well how could I burden them with my troubles.

As a teen, my mother made it very clear to me that the only reason any boy would be interested in me would be for my body or my money and the girls wanted to be my friends because the wanted to come and hang out at my house and with my mother. Only I don't remember anyone hanging out at my house and the few times I had friends over, my mother had to sit in with us, because it was expected and a perk for spending time with me.

I've always wanted friends. I wanted to be the type of person who people are thrilled to see, th eperson someone saves a seat for, the type that people want to be with. Instead I had friends simply for them to be kind. If I didn't ask to sit with someone or push myself onto a person or a group, I would sit alone. I am still alone adn I ache for a friend a true one. Except I doubt that anyone would want to be my friend.